danistrulytheman

I'm STILL a self confessing, self professing know-it-all, or so I think!

Category Archives: funny story


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Booked, bitches! Booked!

Again! Can you believe that shit? Is my Emerald Isle trifecta too–3rd time’s a charm! Lucky charm! And, boy am I ever doing this one right! My accommodations are through the motherfucking roof best of the best! Google Dublin hotels (5 star hotels), do a bit of research as there are a few, read the reviews… then take an educated stab at it. Am guessing 40-45% of you nail it w/one guess! Thats’s how fookin good this gets, folks, and blokes!

I’ll be quaffing down smooth tasting Thanksgiving Guinness… luvin’ Dublin… while ya sucker Canuckleheads are chewing down dry turkey!

Speaking of nailing it, here’s an early morning pic of my recent trip to Dublin after I awoke. My straight outta bed coiffe! Hello, handsome!

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Ladies and gentlemen, Foo Fighters!

This always makes me laugh, Grohl is too fucking funny! Impersonation is bang on btw!

My all-time fave Foo Fighters song kickstarting Toronto Rogers Centre July 12 concert!

All my life I’ve been searching for something
Something never comes never leads to nothing


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33¢ burgers!

No shit… and times two = 66¢!! And, these are the best quality bad-boys (frozen) my local market has to offer… twenty bucks for six is regular price! You do the math. But, y’all know my shopping (finagling) skills by now… so, box cost me TWO BUCKS!!

… and, them’s the fancyshmancy Ace Bakery burger buns to boot too!


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Naima!

… I love your name, Naima! Hell, I LOVE you! Now, I know I did swearsies not to pursue this further, and I’m sorry I broke my promise (dammit, I can’t help myself)… but I’m thrilled I did! At least, I kept my promise of being calm, kind, and polite! But what kills me about yesterday’s episode versus today’s is how difficult vs easy they were. AND, keep in mind after all the teeth pulling yesterday, I was explicitly told, don’t come back scratching for more scratch. After a brief hold, and without consulting a supervisor, Naima did right by me… no questions asked! I guess, I am an excellent customer after all.

… thanks, Naima!


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wringing in the new year!

… am sure everybody wanted their hands wrapped tight ’round culprit’s neck! squeezing!! motherfucking douche parked his (her?) car outside my building new year’s eve, quickly, absentmindedly & obliviously went on their clued-out partying way. meanwhile, and apparently unbeknownst (i’m too kind, givin’ shitheads benefit of the doubt) to said motherfucking douche… car alarm kept coming on and off all night/morning! painfully ear-piercing too (was SO SO fucking loud)! ordeal lasted over 26 hours! affected 100s of unhappy campers. if ’16 wasn’t the worst, this kick in the arse made it so for this block of leslieville residents. as david g (who’s pic i use, giving credit to) stated; how lucky the car owner is this happened in a “polite” neighbourhood. he’s right! i swear, this shit happens in the us of a, and that’s a smouldering hunka metal left for dead in no time! alas, our slap on the wrist verdict by some pissed-off and sleep deprived ‘villians consisted of a few nasty notes, a bit of egging… some sushi-ing (lol)… AND, lotsa gingerbread man-ing (LOL)!!  YEP, you read that shite right… SUSHI, and GINGERBREAD MEN!!

we don’t play y’all, lol!!

… don’t mess with les(lieville)!!

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i AM a leslievillian!!

… moved here 18 days ago, BEST move of my life… hands down!!

and, girlfriend S-A hit the nail on the head… “you’re high strung”, lol!!

def know this is gonna help loosen those tightly wound strings

… allowing me to become an official chillin’ villain… zen, baby!!

welcome to yer new hood danistrulytheman… I LOVE the6!!


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“… that shite ain’t right Lawrence!!” – danistrulytheman

twas my comment during my online Air Miles chat!

… oh hell, here’s the complete transcript!

Welcome. You are number 6 in line. A specialist will be with you shortly. 
Lawrence has joined the chat session. 
Lawrence: Hello, welcome to AIR MILES Chat! My name is Lawrence, how can I help today? 
DANISTRULYTHEMAN: I used/took advantage of your promo; Use 95 points ($10) at Shell, and get 25 points. 
DANISTRULYTHEMAN: I did this FIVE times!
DANISTRULYTHEMAN: I’ve yet to receive my 125 points! 
DANISTRULYTHEMAN: I purchased the gas within the allotted time of the promotion… seems like a lifetime ago. 
Lawrence: Hi there Daniel, so sorry to hear, I know these types of Bonus miles can take up to 120 days to be posted to you from Shell and general get added in one lump sum after the promo period has past…Let me just see if I can get the details and dates of the promo just to see…One moment.

DANISTRULYTHEMAN: … that shite ain’t right Lawrence!!

Lawrence: I can understand, these miles are added by Shell directly and often times do get added quicker, its just that we need to allow the 120 days to pass before we can intervene on their behalf. I do see this Promo was offered by them in April. For promos like these everyone that participates gets the miles added at the same time. 
Lawrence: If for any reason the posting period passes and you do not see the 125 miles just connect with us here again and we will ensure anything missing gets posted on their behalf. 
Lawrence: I do understand 120 days is a longtime to wait, but rarely takes that long, I do see you qualified with 5 redemptions in April so the 125 miles should be posted from Shell soon.
DANISTRULYTHEMAN: so, sit and wait? you can’t step in and expedite giving me my points? 
Lawrence: No very sorry we can only intervene if the posting period has already past. 
DANISTRULYTHEMAN: … ok, how’s about throwing me an AIR MILES bone my way for my troubles? 
DANISTRULYTHEMAN: … will take what you offer, ain’t greedy!
Lawrence: As a one time courtesy since you took the time to contact us today about this I will post 25 miles to you on us….Just one moment. 
DANISTRULYTHEMAN: SWEET!! Mucho gracias, Lawrence!
Lawrence: LOL My pleasure Daniel, I have posted the 25 miles to you and you now have cash balance of 592 miles. Again, if for any reason Shell does not add the Bonus miles to you with in the 120 days just connect with us again and we will ensure they get posted as well 
Lawrence: Anything else I can look into for you in the meantime?
DANISTRULYTHEMAN: Nope, thanks for your help! Have a good night, and stay awesome Lawrence! 
Lawrence: You have a good night as well Daniel…Bye for now 🙂 
Lawrence has left the session. 
Thank you for chatting with us today!


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Florentino Free!!

Had time today, so drove down to say ‘hi’ to the old gang. Side note; nothing/nobody has changed… kinda depressing. Anyway, was fun seeing everyone, visiting… then suddenly Florentino appears, and first thing he says to me, “go get some food”, lol! AND, I never went overboard taking advantage of his generosity. Is a perfect amount, thanks my friend!

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Izabela, I owe you a drink… and, Charles, you deserve a kick in the crotch!

2 employees; same company. 1 willing to go the extra mile, the other could care less about my welfare, and meanwhile being a complete by-the-book douche! Thanks, again Izabela, and I PROMISE to make good on my offer (asking)… and, if you’re married, sorry… that’s yer problem, lol!


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that’s a shite-load of chili!

… my le creuset says so! my oh-so-byoot-ah-ful-ova-flowin le creuset, says so! one of my fave meals ever, so versatile! today am KISS, and goin’ classic.. goin’ old school basic!

pics don’t even begin to do it justice! flew solo today too… tiff missed the chili boat! she was busy serving/eating baba ganoush eggs benny bunny… baby!

… can you spell/smell leftovers, y’all?

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Riley!

… that’s one badass name! one tough, SOB mofo name! a cop you wouldn’t want to fuck with name… a cop on the take name! a super-spy-sleuth name! a chicks dig ya just ’cause of yer name name! damn, oozes coolness (gotta be top five best names ever – equally awesome for females too)… Riley! just met the man, and he is badass and cool…  but, he’s my endodontist! afterwards, gave me his mobile… looks like Riley and I are best buds!


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“that is an awesome email btw” – angela

… she blurted it out – interrupting our business discussions… I love that shit, lol!! I stopped her at that moment… to grab a pen and write it down verbatim in case I forgot! Angela, you were such a lovely person/shining star when we first spoke over a week ago, I was thrilled when you answered the phone tonight! I recognized your name/voice immediately, and was happy you remembered me as well.

Weighed my financial options, I cut the cord… been w/you since ’92 too! But, these dealings of late, was the final straw! Even gave y’all a tongue lashing a few days back, warning I’d be bailing… and, now… I did! Told ya so mofos!! Bottom line, my wallet is $389 fatter for my diligence & persistence!

F U Johnny… looks like cocksuckers are all yours now Tiff… good luck!!


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Toronto Island & Chili Spaghetti

OK, this time I WAS on Toronto Island! Although the ferry master did deny access due to my vehicle weight, forcing me over, onto the airport ferry again. Was so cool too; got a private escort across the fecking airport tarmac, crossing all runways! Oh yeah, on the otherside, only means of communication to get back? Is a phone in a box, lol!

My GPS…

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My Aerial Bird’s Eye View…

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Ain’t My Dime…

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… Good To Be Home! Dinner…

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